Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
