The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Couch. On fire.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
