I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
