Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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