Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
