and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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