Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
