Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
