from now on my penis is your penis
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
