Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
