did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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