i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
