So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
