Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
