I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
