What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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