Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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