Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
