and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
