tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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