It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
