You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
