The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize