They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
