Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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