Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize