508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
