Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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