omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
