I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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