There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
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