i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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