I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
