I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
