I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
