Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
