I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
