Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
50% drunk capacity currently
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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