So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Randomize