I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
