dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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