I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
