i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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