What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
