you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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