Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The adults are the big ones right?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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