Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize