fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
