On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
