i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
