i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
