Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
