I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nicole vs. Life
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
