why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
