I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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