Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
