Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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