two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
