so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
