just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
