I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
