don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
