Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so let's talk penis.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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