I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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