Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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