forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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