My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
