Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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