I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
