you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sorry about my life...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
