Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
