Christians are straight up FREAKS
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish you could order shots online.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
