Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
