she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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