youre lurking in front of me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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